


You're Alive?

by BeetleQueen



Category: Megamind (2010)
Genre: Alien Cultural Differences, Aliens, F/M, Mad Science, Mad Scientists
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-04
Updated: 2015-08-04
Packaged: 2018-04-13 00:34:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4500993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeetleQueen/pseuds/BeetleQueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What would happen if Megamind hadn't fallen for the fake skeleton..? Well, this fanfiction right here.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It was going just like any standard kidnapping. Roxanne was tied to her usual chair and indulging Minion in some lighthearted conversation while in the background the blue leather-clad villain was busy in a (somewhat one-sided) battle of wits against his longterm nemesis; Metro Man.

The reporter looked up from Minion in time to hear; “ _Justice_ is a non-corrosive metal!”, followed by “But metals can be melted by the heat of re-vange!”

She rolled her eyes and brought them back to the henchfish whose pointed teeth were upturned in a grin as he watched the scene before him. Those two were so similar that in another life they could've easily been friends. “Warranties are _invalid_ if you don't use the product for it's intended purpose!”

Roxanne was getting bored now. She let out an exasperated sigh, “girls, _girls_ , you're both pretty! Can I go home now?” Megamind had practically mounted the control panel at this point in an effort of oneupmanship against the hero, and at her words both men turned in attention.

“Of course!” the villain started as he spun round towards the monitors. Would he really just let her off that easy? “That is if Metro Man can withstand the full concentrated power of the **sun**!” She frowned, of course it wouldn't have been _that_ easy. “FIRE!”

She mentally kicked herself for expecting anything other than the awkward silence that was to follow. When she opened her eyes she saw that Megamind's left arm was still outstretched in the direction of the main console where Minion was staring intently at what seemed to be a loading bar. The blue man's chest heaved as his eyes frantically began to waver between his henchfish and the four screens each displaying his adversary, all with matching frowns of indifference. Or was it boredom?

Megamind spun on his heel, and trying to conceal a growing look of concern, made a beeline for his assistant. “Minion!” he all but whispered, “Fire..?” his eyes wide and panicked.

Minion decided on a more casual tone in hopes of calming his master down, “Uh, still warming up, sir.”

“Come again?” he replied, now fully snapped out of his reverie.

“Warming up, sir.” The fish replied.

The villain's arms found themselves in the air as he spat almost incredulously, “Warming up? The _SUN_ is warming _UP_?!”

Roxanne was now smiling to herself, these plans never _did_ work out the way Megamind wanted them to. That was unless Megamind's true plan was to mildly inconvenience her, put her life in no danger whatsoever, bore her to the point of tears with cliché monologues, and then lose tremendously so that she could go home again. She didn't think that was the case somehow.

“Your plan is failing, just admit it.” she tried with a smile.

Minion turned towards her amiably, she had a point, “Yeah, good luck with that one” he let slip.

When his boss turned to him he was prepared for an onslaught of such phrases as _'keep quiet'_ and _'no chatting with the hostage!'_ but was instead surprised when his boss gave him a look of abject humiliation. Now he'd done it. “Who's side are you on..?” his master blurted out, forgetting all villainous formalities.

“The losing side.” Roxanne quipped.

It was bad manners not to agree with the hostage, wasn't it? Especially since what she was saying was so true, “Ye-thank you!” he babbled back.

“Can someone stamp my frequent kidnapping card?” she said with a smirk. Her captor, after indulging in a spot of maniacal laughter, stalked towards her, pointing, with a look of pure determination that instantly softened as soon as he stopped before her, “You of all people _know_ we discontinued that promotion.”

“Same time next week?” She chanced at his now retreating form. He was already at the elevating platform on the floor of the lair's fake observatory, his walking didn't slow, and his demeanour oozed with confidence of yet another escape.

And then it all seemed to go wrong.

“What'd he just say..?” The villain spun round in disbelief. Metro Man never swore, did he?

“..Crab nuggets?” the henchfish uttered warily.

How could he have been so silly, of _course_ Metro Man didn't curse, he must've just heard it wrong the first time. Yes, that was it. But this situation was starting to get weird for the villain, so he approached the collection of monitors in both interest and caution, “What kind of trickery is this?” his face hovering merely inches from the screen.

The hero's form was sprawled across the floor of the real observatory, and he turned to face Megamind almost melodramatically as he proceeded to yell, “You mad genius. Your dark gift has finally paid off!”

Now, that wasn't supposed to happen, was it? This never happened. He hadn't prepared a monologue for this! “It... It _has_?”

“This dome is obviously lined with _copper_!” boy, way to state the obvious, Wayne.

“Yeah. So?” Just what was going on here, and why was Minion trying to get his attention?

The hero looked up at the villain imploringly, “Copper drains my powers!” and he began to tremble.

“Your weakness is _copper_? You're kidding, right?” could it really be that easy?

The automated voice of the Death Ray confirmed the device was at full power, and suddenly everything went dark. Or was it light?

 


	2. Chapter 2

The explosion that followed shook the very foundations of the building as shrapnel and debris burst their way through the slit-like opening of the cloned extension atop the lair.

Both villain and minion were taken by surprise at the sheer force of the blast, and following a few unanticipated 'aftershocks' found themselves thrown back across the length of the building, covered in soot and ash.

They both found their feet, coughing up dust. Minion was the first to speak, “I don't think even _he_ could survive that.”

His master merely kept his eyes on the crater that had been the old observatory, “Well, let's not get our hopes up _just_ yet...” his eyes narrowed suspiciously as if at any moment Metro Man would appear spouting one of his many 'heroic' one liners, pick him up by the collar, and then fly him back to the warden.

“Look!” Minion pointed towards a white caped figure now rising from the dust cloud.

“Metro Man.” Roxanne sighed with a smile. Finally she'd be able to go home after all this, and wash the filth off. This was a new dress, too. Typical!

The villain gasped almost elated, “Metro Man!” his smile then slipped as he realised the implications of what was about to happen if he didn't start running, “METRO MAN!” he and his minion were now rushing in circles.

Before he knew it, Megamind was pinned to the floor underneath the figure in the white cape. During the 'tussle' the figure had become completely covered, and as the villain brushed his rival's cape aside what he saw did more than just surprise him. He felt his eyes almost roll into the back of his head.

“Oh God, oh g-g-ah!” he jumped to his feet revealing a bleached skeleton, and the 2 other participants of the room gasped in shock. His own black cape had found its way wrapped around him leaving just a blue, bulbous, and wide-eyed head floating in view. He took a few steps forward and inspected the un-charred remains.

Hang on... the cape was singed in places, yes, but why had the bones survived so perfectly, and without any visible damage?

He'd done a lot of research into the human body in his spare time, and if his and Wayne's were anything to go by, there were a lot of key similarities in the way they worked. For one, he was sure that without the support of muscles, bones would not be able to stick together like that. And he was also sure that bones were naturally a brownish colour, they were only ever that white if they had been bleached for museum display-

Everything suddenly clicked in that massive head of his, though it had taken a good minute to do so. He suddenly released the sides of his cape from his grasp letting it fall behind him again, and a mischievous smirk danced on his lips. The reporter, still tied to her chair in the middle of the room, noticed and her heart sank. _'He finally did it...'_ She was about to tell him what kind of a monster she though he was when he suddenly erupted into a fit of high pitched laughter. But something was different, it wasn't an evil laughter at all, it was as if he genuinely found the situation hilarious.

Minion was also about to interrupt the villain when he suddenly ran to the edge of the building, grabbed the sides of both open walls and proceeded to gasp for air, all the while convulsing in a fit of giggles.

“Oh Wayne, you never fail to amuse me...” he shouted towards the landscape. Roxanne and Minion both gave each other a skeptical look as he continued, “This just proves once again that I'm the brains of this operation. Not that I've ever had any doubt...” now he was back in a monologue. Time to snap him out of it.

“Megamind!” he whirled around at the reporter's voice, “Care to explain what the hell's going on?” Oh this would be fun.

“Oh, I'll do better than that!” his smile stretching to his purpling ears, “I'll tell the whole of Metrocity!” he made his way to the control panel chuckling as he took the microphone, and stood in front of the camera which was still relaying the events to the city's people back at the Metro Man museum. “I'm sorry to say this, citizens of Metrocity, but your golden boy is nothing but a liar, and a coward!”

The portly Mayor made his way to the screens and finding his courage yelled back, “You're the liar!”

“Oh am I?” Megamind was now dancing on the balls of his feet, “Wayne?!” he called out to the air once again in a mocking tone as he waltzed back to the middle of the room, “You never told me your bones were held together with wire, pins, and screws, or that,” he kicked the skeleton so that it rolled over revealing a few words carved into the base of the skull, “you're made in Taiwan!”

A loud gasp from the speakers doubled the villains grin. This really was shaping up to be the greatest day ever.

“Face it Metrocity,” he'd never had the chance to act so smugly, “he's _abandoned_ you!” and with a final laugh he pressed the button to end the live feed.

 


	3. Chapter 3

It had been a whole month since Roxanne awoke in a spray-induced-haze back in her apartment. She couldn't believe that Wayne could've been so stupid. He was dealing with a certified genius; did he really think he could get away with faking his death like that?

She didn't know what to think anymore. Megamind, the only constant in her life, had vanished. After such a display she was expecting at least some kind of press conference where he would announce his plans to take over the city, and enslave its inhabitants, but the villain hadn't been seen or heard from since.

Maybe he was just biding his time. Maybe if she hoped hard enough he would crash through her apartment window any second?

No, that was asking too much. Although she cursed herself to admit it, a large part of her life seemed to have ground to a halt. She rather missed their sarcastic exchanges of banter, and if she was truthful, he was probably the only guy she saw this much on a regular basis.

_Used_ to see this much.

“Oh, get a grip of yourself...” she muttered aloud shifting into a sitting position on the red corner sofa, “You're an investigative reporter, if you want to find him, get off your ass, and do it!”

* * *

Roxanne now sat engrossed whilst flicking through online maps of the city on her laptop. Judging from where the now flattened observatory used to be, Megamind's lair should be located somewhere deep in the Industrial District. She herself lived just on the outskirts of the Downtown area, about a half hour drive from the Plaza. Even if traffic was good, it would take 3 times that long to get to the edge of that part of town, and that was without factoring how long it would take to find 'Evil Lair' once she got there.

She tried to envision the landscape from where she had been sitting that day. The lair was across the water from the observatory, that much was true. Judging by the angle, and looking at the map again to be sure, the lair must be roughly 2/3rds of the way across the Industrial District.

The district in particular was abandoned, save for the city's most prolific drug dealers and thugs. She wasn't looking forward to going there alone, and taking a cab could risk the location of the lair being exposed.

No, she'd use the news van. Hal and Roxanne usually took it in turns to drive one another to work, seeing as they worked together on most assignments. It had been her turn to drive, and so the van was taking up residence in her parking space around the back of the apartment complex.

“Time to get going, then, Roxie.”

* * *

Her assumptions had been correct, as it seemed to take an eternity to drive to the abandoned factories that were just visible from her apartment window.

That was when she spotted it, a badly patched up dome construct, surrounded by scaffolding, on top of an immense rectangular building. Surely he couldn't be this dumb? Anyone could've made the connection, and wouldn't have to be a reporter to do it.

Maybe he was just being cocky; hiding in plain sight? Or maybe, and this idea she felt was more plausible, he had simply forgotten about it. His train of thought was sporadic at best, and it wasn't hard to imagine him getting wrapped up in a new project while letting the others fall by the wayside.

He was always so eager to impress her with another object of mayhem, or destruction. She liked to feign a nonchalance, but most of the time she actually was impressed. Impressed by his sheer level of intelligence, and the intricacy of his designs. The size of his head should've tipped her off to his genius, but truly, it was one of the things about him that she had gotten so used to that it was now an afterthought. The same went for his blue skin.

His mannerisms were altogether entirely human, and there were a lot of people in this world that definitely came across as more 'alien' than him. Hal could easily qualify.

She parked up a few meters away, got out, and started to survey the outside of the building. She'd circled it once by the time she came to the conclusion that there were no doors or windows. So where the hell did he park the 'invisible car'? That's when it came to her; he had a higher IQ than Einstein, of course he could've invented a cloaking device, or hologram to hide any kind of entrance.

She checked the graffiti across the brickwork looking for some kind of inconsistency, but was dumbfounded when a part of it read; “GO AWAY! NOBODY LIVES HERE!”

As she took another step her foot scuffed against a foreign object on the floor. The reporter looked down and saw what looked like a welcome mat that one would find outside the front door to a suburban home, except scrawled across it were the words; “SECRIT ENTRANCE”.

It was impossible for Roxanne to stifle the laughter that erupted.

* * *

“Sir, you really should think about a less restrictive diet. Coffee and sugar just isn't going to be good for you in the long run.” the henchfish said as he tacked a sticky note to the back of his master's idea wall which read; 'Eat more veggies!'

“I'll start eating plants when they stop tasting so disgusting...” the blue villain muttered sipping his coffee. His minion knew how much he loved lattes, and the man was left with a foamy white moustache which clashed hysterically between the pitch black eyebrows and goatee on his face.

Roxanne observed the exchange from behind the immense red curtain that sectioned this part of the lair off from the rest. She bit back a giggle that was threatening to surface, and stayed low in the shadows. The brainbots must've been away on rounds because breaking in had been surprisingly easy.

“Oh, they're not so bad.” the fish countered as his master absent mindedly wiped the foam from his lip.

“How would you know, CARNIVORE!” the blue man pointed a finger dramatically.

Minion's eyes narrowed slightly, “At least I'm not afraid of hotdogs...”

A deep blush of violet touched on Megamind's cheeks as he crossed his arms in front of his now puffed out chest, “Well, you'd be scared too if you'd watched that documentary!”

“I think I got the gist of it, sir. Especially since you kept yelling choice phrases like 'meat slurry' and 'pig scrotum' at the screen. And from the gagging noises you were making, I wasn't sure whether or not to bring you that bucket.”

“And I'm glad you did! Right in the nick of time, too, I might add... Why on Earth would you put that stuff under a microscope and film it?! Nobody wants to see that, least of all me!”

Minion rolled his eyes, “Didn't stop you watching, though, did it?”

“Yes, I will admit at the time I was transfixed by the... _horror_.” the blue man's brow was now furrowed, and his eyes wild. Roxanne had to stop another surge of laughter from bubbling up. She really had missed those crazy facial expressions. The forehead wrinkles especially.

The alien was now ripping the lid off of a box of doughnuts, “Just a 12-pack, Minion? Honestly, I'm going to need more sustenance than this if I am to stay awake and work on these blueprints.” he stuffed a whole pastry into his mouth and continued, “Munyun, ah 'ou eveff 'ishneng?”

“Sir, need I remind you that it is ill mannered to talk with your mouth full?” the fish spoke, partly in jest. His master's habits where hard ones to break, and he knew as well as anyone that a brick wall would take more notice of his suggestions than the blue man in front of him.

Megamind promptly swallowed and countered with, “Well, I'm sure the grilled salmon thought it 'ill mannered' when you poached, and devoured him with a vinaigrette. But you don't see me bringing it up!”

It was too much; Roxanne's eyes were now tearing. She grabbed the side of the curtain to steady herself, but her weight was enough to snap the flimsy hooks off the metal rail, as it came flying down on top of her with a thud.

Megamind gave his most impressive 'lady scream', dropping a sprinkled doughnut in the process. He instinctively jumped behind Minion as the shape underneath the red fabric stirred with a groan. The villain tentatively came out from behind his minion and, picking up a nearby crowbar on the way, took a few steps towards the figure. When he was in prodding distance, he did just that, delivering 2 soft jabs at the curtained lump on his floor.

His face paled as he mustered the courage, and grabbed the fabric with his free hand. Pulling it back he was surprised to see a certain reporter staring right back at him with a sheepish grin.

“Why, if it isn't my #1 kidnapee!” he laughed nervously, dropping the crowbar with a clang.

The reporter's face screwed up, “Well if I'm your victim of choice, why the hell haven't you kidnapped me for the last month?!” she screamed.

His eyebrows shot up, “Month?!” and he raced towards a nearby calendar. “No, that can't be right. I've slept 3 times between now and that whole 'faked death' fiasco with Wayne. It can only have been 3 days, and our encounters are usually a bi-weekly affair...” he was now muttering under his breath ticking the days off with his fingers.

“You've only slept 3 times in the last month?!” She couldn't believe what she was hearing.

He turned around to face her, “Would you stop saying that? It can't have been a month!”

“No, you're right, it hasn't.” he was about to interrupt her when she continued, “More like 35 days.”

The villain's lower jaw popped open in shock as Roxanne's words registered.

“Catching flies, sir.” Minion chanced helpfully.


	4. Chapter 4

There was a faint bowging in the distance, and within a few seconds a rather fierce looking brainbot was now snapping at Roxanne's ankles. “Down Attila!” Megamind screeched retrieving the crowbar. The reporter thought for a second that the villain was about to deliver a 'home-run' to the little machine's plasma dome, but he instead waggled the object quickly from side to side before throwing it into a dark corner.

Attila's eyestalk practically vibrated with excitement before it flew away in the direction of the far off clang.

“..Attila?” Roxanne raised an eyebrow skeptically. Her eyes then fell upon a small group of humming robots which were now hovering in a gang at a safe distance behind their creator. “Do they all have names?”

Megamind gave her an incredulous look, “Of course they do, Miss Ritchi. All 100,000 of them.”

It was Roxanne's turn to gape. When she finally found her voice all she could blurt out was “100,000?!”

He raised an eyebrow, “Well, yes. How else am I supposed to engage in villainous activities if I do not have a sufficient number of zealots at my bidding? You never know how many cyborgs you might need to call upon at any one given time. Safety in number, Miss Ritchi.”

“Did you just say cyborgs?” was all she could say.

“Yes. Cyborgs. What's your point?” his eyebrow still raised.

“So they're not just A.I, but partly organic? _All_ of them?!”

He smiled slightly, “Where would be the fun in having a pack of mindless drones? Yes, they all have their own personalities, likes, and dislikes. We even have a girl hiding around somewhere...” he muttered giving the lair a cursory glance, his teeth resting to nibble on his bottle lip absent-mindedly, “with all the male brainbots it was becoming somewhat of a... Minion what's the term?” he waved one of his hands in a circle, as if trying to conjure the words out of thin air.

“Sausage fest, sir.” The gorilla fish said with an innocent smile.

“Ah, yes, that.” He stopped gesticulating to regard the fish. As soon as Roxanne let out the snort her hands flew up to her face, cupping her mouth. The tops of her ears starting to glow faintly pink. _'She's so cute when she blushes...'_

“So... what's her name, then?” the reporter asked in a desperate attempt to regain her dignity.

It was now time for Megamind's ears to tint, and a familiar purple blush to creep across his nose and cheeks. “f-xy rxy...” a gloved hand had now found its way over his mouth as he stuttered. He tried to look as though he was scratching his goatee in deep thought, and was failing miserably.

 _'Did he just say?'_ “Sorry, what was that?” she was smirking now.

 _'Temptress...'_ He removed the hand from his face and crossed both arms defensively, “Foxy. Roxie.” his posture had flipped from overconfident villain to exposed and slightly shaken. His usually straight stance now slumping, and his eyes flickering back and forth between her and the floor.

 _'When did he become so cute?'_ she found herself wondering. “Well, I'm honoured.” The pink brainbot suddenly appeared by its master's side. “Wow, good hearing.” Roxanne thought aloud.

“Well, yes.” The villain started, using the opportunity to recover. “There is a large ratio of canine brain tissue present. They have all the advantages of dogs, for example exceptional hearing, a wider field of vision, heightened sense of smell-”

“..they can smell?” Roxanne cocked an eyebrow. He was kidding, right?

“Of course, why wouldn't they?” he asked as if it were obvious.

Roxanne felt a face palm coming on.

* * *

“So, how exactly did you manage to locate my secret lair?” the blue man asked as Roxanne sipped at her coffee. Minion had been kind enough to brew a pot, and the three of them were now sat around one of the villain's many worktables. Roxanne was confused when Megamind had not offered her the usual hostage seat, and had instead returned with a chair not unlike his own, though notably smaller. She didn't doubt it was as comfy as his was, and upon sitting she was pleasantly surprised to be correct.

“Well, it wasn't that hard to figure out. Once I realised that it must be nearby the old observatory, it was pretty smooth sailing from there.” Megamind sat watching her, transfixed, and she watched as he continually added spoon after spoon of sugar into his own beverage. She wondered if he was doing it on autopilot because he hadn't taken his eyes off her once, when suddenly he stopped, picked up a nearby spoon, again without breaking her gaze, and began stirring. “Then I just had to put myself back here, remember the perspective from where I was sitting, and then find out approximately where I was with a map. I realised I was somewhere in the Industrial District, and then I just had to look for a building with a domed extension on the top. And, well, here I am.”

He stopped stirring his coffee almost immediately, and his face had taken on an odd expression. _'Shit, I forgot about the extension...'_

“Something wrong, sir?” Minion piped up.

“Hm? No, not at all. We really should've taken down that fake observatory, though...” he frowned lifting the cup to his lips.

 _'I knew it, he did forget!'_ she smirked. “I was a little surprised that it was still there, I'll admit that. Sometimes you're not very smart for a genius.”

“Perhaps you're right. After all, I missed an entire month without even realising it. I could've sworn it was only a few days...” the frown on his face deepening.

“Um, sir? I think maybe I can help you with that.” Minion squirmed in his bowl sheepishly.

* * *

“I'm in mourning?!” Megamind didn't know whether to be relieved or insulted.

“Kind of?” Minion's robotic hands were now twiddling nervously with the faux fur casings around his forearms.

“But he's not even DEAD!” the villain slammed his fists onto the tabletop before slumping back in his chair. “How long exactly did the mourning period last for our people?” Minion's expression was becoming more and more suspect. “Oh, come on!”

“...6 months, sir.” the fish finally said.

“But he's not even dead!” Roxanne had now joined the conversation. “How can that even work?!”

“Well, I'll hazard a guess that since technically a part of sir's life has in fact 'died', his mind has unconsciously made the connection and gone into a state of grief.”

“I _am_ still here, y'know.” the villain's fingers were now drumming against one of his armrests in agitation, his eyes narrow slits. “Wait, so this insomnia could last another 5 months?!” in his state of shock he was halfway to launching himself across the table at the cowering fish when Roxanne got up and placed herself between them.

“Focus, spaceman!” his eyes snapped up to meet her blue ones.

 _'We're on pet name terms, now?'_ he wondered. “I am nothing if not focussed.” he replied with a sly grin.

“Good, because we're off to see Wayne, now.”

Megamind's eyes bulged. “Come again?!”

“Closure. We're off to get it!” she walked around to the back of his chair and began wheeling him out of the room.

* * *

They had been making smalltalk the entire way to Wayne's 'Fortress'. Roxanne wondered when it had become so easy to talk with the so-called villain. _'He's just a nice guy.'_ she found herself thinking, _'hardly a villain at all...'_ and just like that her mind took her back to a previous kidnapping.

A situation had caused a gigantic, inconveniently placed tear in the fabric of one of her dresses, and Minion had run off in search of his sewing kit, leaving villain and hostage alone. Megamind had not once looked her in the eye, and had gone so far as to close his, cover them with both hands, and begin walking backwards. He tripped a few times, almost falling once, but never let his hands leave his face, even to steady himself.

She realised then that he was too much of a gentleman to ever be considered 'evil'. If he truly was as bad as he wanted everyone to think, he would've made that tear much bigger, and indulged in a crass comment or two. Instead he had walked halfway across the lair in his embarrassment.

She wondered if he'd even gotten a peek at her bra that day. It had been blue after all.

“You never saw the library part of the lair, did you?” he asked pulling her out of her reverie.

“No.” The only knowledge she had of the lair was the small parts of it that were used during kidnappings.

“Hmm, well I think you'd like it...” he said quietly as he sped up, a violet tinge threatening his cheeks.

She skipped slightly in order to keep up with him, “Well, maybe next time?”

He came to a halt, and his head whirled round to face her, “ _..next_ time?”

“Yeah, sure!” She laughed, “Except, y'know, I wouldn't be breaking into your house this time. We could find a day that suits us both, and I could drop by. Like normal people.” she smiled.

His eyes glossed over briefly as he said, “Normal...” she was about to ask if he was alright when he continued, “Yes, I'd like that.”

Finally, she was starting to make some kind of headway, here. They were still on foot having left the invisible car a ways back, and Roxanne let her mind wander again to that day when half of her bra had been so proudly on display. After Minion had patched her up, quite expertly she had to say, Megamind went about his usual routine of trying to impress her with another one of his latest, and usually untested, inventions.

This one he called the portable death ray gun. It was basically just an enormous hollow gun with a glowing red barrel. She'd asked why it was so much better than a regular gun, which was lethal in itself anyway, and he began one of his standard monologues. _'You cannot begin to fathom my genius'_ , _'Evil need not explain itself yadda yadda'_

He had the gun rested across his chest pointing up and to the left, and as he patted the barrel nonchalantly to illustrate a point, the thing went off with a crack leaving a smear and a cloud of charred feathers where a pigeon up in the rafters had been unfortunate enough to be perched upon.

The plan had been immediately called off.

She couldn't help but stifle a giggle at the memory. She almost bumped into Megamind as he stopped abruptly. “So, he's here of all places...” his brows slightly furrowing as his eyes caught the rundown little schoolhouse.

Roxanne had no idea what had caused the shift in his mood, so she nudged him politely in the arm and indicated that he should follow her.

They were just in front of a large metal door when the man stopped again. Roxanne leaned over and smiled, “What's the worst we're gonna find?” his resolve seemed to strengthen, and with that he pushed the door open.


	5. Chapter 5

The immense door creaked as it swung open, and both visitors were met with a sumptuous living space, the walls of which were decorated with dozens of photographs and paintings of a certain heroic face.  _'Figures...'_ the blue man thought to himself bitterly. Some would say the villain's vanity knew no bounds, but it didn't stretch this far.

He shuffled through the doorway tentatively, and Roxanne followed, surveying the large room, but keeping close by. There was a sudden crash, and a whoop of synchronised laughter from behind one of the large sets of double doors. Before he knew it, Megamind had drawn his de-gun and darted between the reporter and the doors, his other arm extended in front of her protectively.

“Hello? Anyone here...besides..all the **big men** who are with me now?” he chanced, waving the gun so it's chamber rotated onto the “DE-ATH RAY” setting, the barrel now glowing an almost unstable shade of violet.

_'Oh yes, I'm sure the mass murderers behind those doors are quaking in fear...'_ Roxanne mused, trying not to smirk. One of the laughs could have been Wayne's, but it was impossible to tell since it had been coupled with what sounded like a woman's.

There was another snort of laughter, and a few giggles, and both doors were pushed open to reveal a scruffy looking Metro Man. His hair without it's trademark gel hung around his face in tousled waves, and on his face there was a very accomplished beard already growing. Instead of his usual heroic garb, he was sporting a faded band t-shirt, and a pair of loose fitting jeans. “I'd know that voice anywhere!” he said with a wide smile, zipping up his fly. His gaze then dropped to Roxanne in surprise, only just noticing her.

Megamind and Roxanne were both displaying matching expressions of incredulity. The gigantic man stepped forward, and they both shied back a few steps. The blue man's gun was now by his side instead of pointed wildly in Wayne's direction, but his other arm remained outstretched in front of the reporter. “Yeah, the super hearing isn't as good when I'm... Uhh, well...” Wayne was now scratching the back of his neck absent-mindedly, and looking towards the doors. “You'd better come on out, honey, I think we've been rumbled.”

* * *

Roxanne found the situation she was in rather surreal.

Both villain and hero were across the coffee table from her exchanging stories, and laughing like a pair of old friends. “And you chose the name Metro Man? It really is the strangest coincidence...” Megamind said, a grin plastered across his face.

“How so, little buddy?” Wayne asked in genuine interest, and the villain gave him a skeptical glance.

“You mean you don't remember? Wait, how far back _can_ you recall?” and the ex-hero scratched his chin thoughtfully.

“I'd say a few days after my first Christmas. Later on when they thought I'd be able to deal with it, my parents told me that I came to Earth in a small shuttle on Christmas morning. My mom had always wanted a baby, and my dad hadn't even noticed when I crashed through the front door and landed under the tree, so she didn't really mention it to him until he put down his newspaper an hour or so later.”

“So you can't remember flying through space at all?” Megamind asked, and Wayne shook his head. “Can't remember knocking my pod off course?” Again he shook his head. “Can't remember the name of your planet?!” the smaller man was standing up now.

“Uhh, nope. Sorry little dude, I can't say that I do.” he was smiling sheepishly, and the villain sat back down with a mixed expression.

“Metro Planet.” and the larger man's head snapped in Megamind's direction. “Ironic really, that you should land in 'Metro' City, and end up calling yourself Metro Man. And I thought you chose it for the same reason I chose mine.”

“..Mega Planet?” Wayne chanced, and the villain's grin returned.

“Lucky guess!”

Wayne's old childhood sneer surfaced, “Megamind. Well, I guess it's better than your _real_ name.” he said, now looking towards Roxanne. The villain's face paled in horror as she now smirked in interest.

“Oh really, and what would that be?” she said leaning forward.

“You can be so _mean_ , shnookums.” the red haired lady next to Roxanne teased, her brown eyes coming into contact with Wayne's blue ones.

That was the other thing that made this situation so surreal.

Just an hour prior, Roxanne and Megamind both found themselves dumbfounded when Wayne introduced them to his fiancee Andrea. He then proceeded to tell them the reasons behind faking his death, which included, but were not limited to, his musical career, relationship, and how he and Andrea were now trying for a baby. The latter of which being the reason Wayne's super hearing had not been in full working order when his 'guests' had turned up.

“Just joking, honey.” Wayne laughed pulling Roxanne out of her reverie. “Besides, he's obviously embarrassed.” the larger man said elbowing the blue one playfully in the ribs. Due to his overwhelming strength the casual action knocked the villain a few feet across the sofa.

“Embarrassed? Me? As if...” Megamind spat regaining some composure, and sitting up straight.

“I'm just saying, if _my_ name was Bubsy- Oops...” Wayne's hands flew up to his mouth in disbelief of how he could've let it slip. He wasn't _really_ going to say it, not with Roxanne there, but it was so much fun to tease the little guy, and before he knew it, the villain's real name had slipped out.

Megamind's face, now a dark, unforgiving shade of purple, slowly turned to give Wayne a scathing glare. He unholstered the de-gun, and watched the other man's face as he slowly clicked the chamber until it read “DE-REGULATE”

“Whoa, whoa! Let's not get too hasty! Huh? Best buddy?” Wayne now had both of his hands in front of him, and was waving them defensively.

The reporter recalled a past kidnapping where Megamind had offhandedly told her of Wayne's invulnerability to dehydration, and how his gun had no effect whatsoever on the man. It was the same kidnapping that had resulted in her hair being fried accidentally by the 'Illiteracy Beam' prototype, meaning she had to cut it into her now famous pixie cut. A mortified Megamind had gotten Minion to drop off an enormous basket of the most expensive haircare products at her apartment later that day, with what could only have been an apology card. She still wasn't sure, it didn't contain any words, just a few dots that she presumed were eyes, and a sad curl for a mouth.

“I thought the de-gun never worked on you?” she asked.

“Wouldn't you know it, the most embarrassing setting _does_.” he was now scooting further away from the villain unconsciously, and a look of surprise crossed his face when he came into contact with the large armrest, unable to retreat further. “I'll make it up to you, I swear!” his hands now clasped together in a pleading motion.

“You will?” The blue man's expression still dark, but slightly curious.

“Anything you want!” and Megamind's trademark villainous smile spread across his lips.

“ _Anything_..?”

* * *

“And you're sure they're going to buy that?” Wayne asked the smaller man with a dubious look.

“Of course they will!” he said nonchalantly. “And anyway, grey hair at your age? They'll totally believe it.”

Megamind's idea of 'revange' was to have Wayne make a public confession to the city. As unsettling as the thought was to him, he had to admit that the little story they'd cooked up would excuse him of his behaviour, and it would mean he didn't have to remain in hiding. He didn't want that for Andrea, or their future children.

So it was settled. Wayne would meet with the Mayor in the morning and arrange a press conference for later that day.

His greying hair was somewhat of a sore point, however, but for this story to work, he'd have to swallow his pride and just go with it. “I'll have you know my hair makes me very distinguished. Right, Andi?” No response. “ _Right_ , Andi, sweetie?”

She poked her head from around the kitchen doors to acknowledge the herculean man, “Of course, darling. You're my silver fox!” and with a wink she disappeared into the other room again to continue her conversation with the reporter.

Megamind bit back a snort, “Silver-what-now?” his eyebrows raised in jest.

“Shut up, Bubsy.”

* * *

After a few tweaks, all the kinks were ironed out of the story, and both men were happy with the final outcome. Tomorrow however would be the true test, and hopefully it would all go off without a hitch.

“How is this revenge anyway? If all goes as planned, it'll work out pretty well for me.”

“Yes, well, 'Evil Overlord' sounds like too much work if I'm honest.” and it was Roxanne's turn to interject.

“And when did you come to this revelation?” the four of them were all casually seated around the coffee table again.

“You said it yourself, I'm on the _losing_ side. No. Time for an early retirement, I think!” he said smiling.

Had she said that? Her mind wandered back to their last kidnapping, and she realised she had pretty much inferred that he was a loser. _'Nice, Roxanne. Really nice.'_ she chided herself.

“And this whole villain spiel has gotten boring, I have to say.” the ex-villain said plainly, leaning back into the couch.

_'Wait, he can say 'spiel', but words like 'escalator', and 'cappuccino' give him trouble?!'_ she thought bewildered.

“Yeah, I never thought it was really you.” Wayne said with a smirk. “One look at that school photo, and it's obvious you weren't a bad kid. I can't even remember why I bullied you so much-” Megamind's cheeks flared again, and his eyes shone in anger. “Oh crap, I did it again!” the larger man facepalmed.

“You're _really_ good at that.” the blue man muttered bitterly, and folded his arms across his chest in annoyance.

The reporter bit her lip, and leaned forward again catching Megamind's attention. “Can I see it?”

His whole face was becoming a uniform shade of lavender, and he managed to choke out; “See what?”

“The photo.” she smiled, and he made a random noise somewhere between a whine and a grunt in agreement. “I'll take that as a yes.”

Wayne was already on his feet and rifling through a few of the draws in search of said photo. Some of the contents were spilled out in his eagerness, and at one point the pair were sure they saw what looked like a leather studded 'cat o nine tails' being quickly crammed back into the draw.

“Oh! Never mind that!” Wayne stammered, moving to the other side of the room where the shelves were situated. Andrea couldn't stop herself from giggling at their guest's faces of abject horror.

“Aha!” Wayne came crashing back down on the sofa, shaking it violently before holding the picture across the table from Roxanne with a smile. She tentatively reached out, watching the blue man as she did, but he was looking away, his expression one up from humiliation. She took the picture frame in her hand, and leaning back against the adjacent couch, flipped it over and began to study it.

Her reporter brain was going into overdrive as the semiotics seemed to crash through the glass. Her eyes flickered between the gang of children, and their teacher, to the small, hopeful looking boy standing offside from them, clutching his minion, with a shy smile on his face. The look in his eyes was possibly the furthest from evil that existed. She couldn't stop herself, and the word had passed her lips before she had time to reign it back in. “Awwww...”

Megamind's head snapped up, and the look of shame was instantly replaced with one of complete surprise. _'Did she just go 'Awwww...'?'_

Roxanne looked up, and upon making eye contact with the alien, she felt a familiar heat burning it's way across her cheeks and ears, _'His eyes. They look exactly the same.'_ the urge to fling herself at him, and into a never ending embrace, was becoming harder and harder to resist.

Her eyes returned to the photo, but she could still feel his gaze burning into her. _'Why did he have to be so adorable?'_ She thought angrily. Her mothering instinct was now fully in gear, and Roxanne wanted nothing more than to hug the little boy in the picture. _'Why couldn't he have been an ugly kid? An overbite, a skin condition, even prescription glasses! C'mon, give me_ _ **something!**_ _'_

“Earth to Roxie! Come in Roxie!” Wayne had both hands cupped to the sides of his mouth. Before he knew what had hit him it had been the picture frame. “OW!”

“You jackass!” she shrieked launching herself across the table at him, knocking over a few empty coffee cups. She managed to deliver a few blows to his head before Megamind and Andrea were able to pull her off.

“I think our welcome is officially overstayed.” the leather clad man piped up, steering a murderous looking Roxanne out of the large metallic front door.

The redhead suppressed the smirk that was tugging at the corners of her mouth. Wayne had mentioned how bad the reporter and ex-villain had it for each other, but they just couldn't see it. _'Oh, I cannot wait to play matchmaker with you two...'_


	6. Chapter 6

Roxanne was still ranting by the time they got to the car. “I can't _believe_ that guy!”

Hardly anybody knew, but the reporter had had a very hard time of things in school. She'd probably been the same age as the blue boy in the photo when her curves started to appear, and with them the endless jibes about the size of her ass.

“What's passed has passed, Miss Ritchi. It has been a very long time since all of _that._ I'm very much over it.” He explained with a shrug, snapping the driver's side door closed, as he started the engine.

After a short while driving the reporter squirmed in her seat. “It kind of all makes sense now, though.”

Megamind's eyes stayed on the road as they approached the exit leading Downtown, “What does?” when Roxanne suddenly grabbed the wheel before he could turn it; “Hey! You do realise we just missed that exit?” the invisible car barely avoiding an SUV to the side of them as they swerved.

“Of course I do.” She said plainly, acknowledging his slight look of surprise. “But we're talking right now, and the drive to my apartment from here is a very quick one. And this 'nosy reporter' isn't done yet.”

“Fine.” he said, trying to look as nonchalant as possible. “And _what_ makes sense?” He too was starting to shift in his seat, wiggling slightly in anticipation.

“Just the rivalry. I can totally see why you'd want to take him down a peg or two, especially after he practically thrust you into the whole villainy thing.” She crossed her arms absentmindedly. “I mean, if the roles were reversed-”

“Don't even think it.” Megamind interrupted; his face suddenly very serious. Seeing her surprise, his features softened as he continued. “If that little brat hadn't knocked my pod of course, I would've landed in the Scott family manor, sure, but in turn he would've most likely taken my course and landed in jail. The criminal influence from such a young age could've been enough to shape him into the most dangerous man in existence.”

Roxanne found herself nodding in agreement. An evil Wayne was almost comical, but in reality it would be terrifying. “But it wasn't enough to influence you?”

“I'll have you know from a young age I was terrorizing the prison officials like a pro.” He said with a smug smile.

“Hm, maybe, but honestly, you were never truly _evil_.” She smirked back.

The blue man gave her a grin. “Oh really, and what would _you_ know of evil?”

She raised an eyebrow trying to stop the smile that was now stretching across her face. “Well, all those years of kidnapping?” He raised his eyebrows, silently urging her to continue, “You could've done _anything_ to me.” and without warning a blush began to crawl across his features.

“That's not- That's- I would **never!** ” His hands now gripping the steering wheel, and Roxanne was sure the knuckles under his gloves were turning white.

“I know that! And really, even though the papers wrote some weird things about us, if any of it were actually true, the press coverage would've been completely different. Sure I've had my fair share of Stockholm Syndrome jokes, but everyone in this city knows you're harmless.”

“They're really not scared of me?” He asked, almost hurt.

Roxanne shrugged. “Sorry. But that's a good thing, right? If you're giving up this gig, maybe it'll be easier to win the public over if they're not already wetting their pants in fear?”

The man nodded slightly, “Hmm, that's true.” and he seemed in deep thought.

“So, you sounded pretty sure back at Wayne's when you announced your 'retirement from evil'. Have you been thinking about it for a while, now?” She chanced, genuinely curious.

“Your 'nosy reporter skills' never fail to impress!” He waggled his eyebrows with each syllable. “Yes, as it happens, I have been pondering putting an end to all...” He gestured with both hands to his leathered form. “This.”

Roxanne was surprised when her heart sank. She had gotten used to his strange sense of fashion, and the thought of Megamind wearing something besides a skintight bodysuit was a strange concept for her to wrap her head around. “Hey. Just because you're not the bad guy doesn't mean you have to stop with the theatrics.” She said nudging his arm.

His eyes left the road for a moment, and he gave her a shy look. “Really?”

“Yeah, I mean, rockstars wear all that kind of stuff, and they're not bad people, right? Besides, Batman wears black leather, and he's a hero...” and a smile spread across his face.

“You're right!” He relaxed slightly into the carseat with a squeak. “Eugh, can you imagine me in _denim?_ ” He suddenly whispered with a look of horror on his face.

Roxanne brought both hands up to her mouth to stop herself snorting. “Oh god, no...”

After a lull in their conversation, Megamind finally spoke again. “It's odd.”

“What is?”

“This...” His free hand waved between the two of them. “Familiarity. It's just... odd.” He slumped in the car seat, already wishing he'd kept his mouth shut.

"I guess you grew on me?"

Roxanne thought she saw the faintest flicker of hopefulness in his eyes, but almost in an instant his cocky mask slid into place and he sneered, "Like a tumour, I'd expect?"

The reporter was becoming increasingly tired with the emotional walls this man was putting up, and resolved to find some way to break them down.

* * *

Minion perked up upon hearing the sudden roar of the invisible car as it screeched into the lair. He was surprised to see that Roxanne was also present when his master opened the passenger-side door for her.

“Oh, Miss Ritchi, it's lovely to see you again! How did everything go with Mr. Scott?”

“Uhh, well it was all a bit weird, really, wasn't it Megs?”

_'Pet names again?'_ Megamind mused. Perhaps this meant he could also call her by a nickname?

He knew she hated being called 'Roxie', but for some reason 'Hey, you; sexually attractive female!' didn't really have much of a ring to it.

_'Maybe something else, then... In that red dress she looked like such a-'_

“Megamind?”

“...Vixen?” He suddenly chanced, waggling an eyebrow.

Roxanne took one look at the flirty blue face in front of her, and it was impossible not to double over in laughter.

“Oh jeez, Megamind, you're such a goofball!”

He skipped closer to her, his eyebrows bobbing up and down. “Oh am I?” He gave the offending articles a tweak with every syllable, and the reporter snorted loudly as tears of laughter beaded in the corners of her eyes.

“Stop it! You're killing me!”

He flung one side of his cape over his head, and the other just below his eyes so that only a slit of his face was visible. He scuttled towards her, his eyebrows practically dancing.

Too much. This was just too much. Roxanne held her belly as she slid to the floor, her eyes now streaming.

“I... I-I can't... I c-can't _breathe!!!_ ” She wailed, her face overcome by peals laughter as she fought to catch her breath.

Megamind leant down and offered her a gentlemanly hand. She took it, but as she came back into eye contact with the alien he raised one eyebrow impossibly high and kept it still as the other one started shuffling back and forth.

She pulled on his hand in an attempt to steady herself as she erupted into fits of laughter again, inadvertently dragging him down on top of her.

They suddenly both froze, staring into each other's eyes until a long forgotten third party piped up.

“Uhh, maybe I should get a start on dinner, then?”

Megamind quickly disentangled himself from the feisty reporter, and offered her his hand once more. She took it and stood back up with a sly smile.

* * *

“Oh wow, this place is amazing...” Roxanne remarked as she ran her hand across one of the bookshelves.

The library started on the main floor of the lair, and reached all the way down to subterranean levels. There were an impossible number of shelves, and the reporter had to overcome a spell of dizziness as she peered down.

There was a large circular hole in the center of the room, and from it a massive spiral staircase that lead on to another floor of the library. Before the vast set of stairs dissolved into black, the reporter could make out another 5 levels.

The little girl inside her was suddenly reminiscent, and she asked the villain, “Have you ever watched Beauty and the Beast..?”

He looked up from the book he was thumbing through. “Regrettably.” Roxanne gave him a puzzled look, so he elaborated. “The Warden thought it imperative to raise me as a normal child. As a consequence I had to put up with a lot of Disney...” He shoved the book back into it's space on the shelf.

The mental image then appeared of a childhood Megamind strapped to a chair, with his eyelids taped open, squirming in horror as he was forced to sit through “Be Our Guest”. She resisted all urges she had to fall prey to another attack of laughter. Her body still hurt a bit from the last time she had.

“That singing candelabra freaked me out...” He muttered, hugging his arms to himself at the sheer memory.

Roxanne slapped a hand to her mouth before she burst out giggling again.

* * *

The mayor and the rest of the citizens waited with baited breath as Wayne simply stood in the centre of he stage. In their eyes he could do no wrong, and even after his month long disappearance, everyone in the crowd held the same hopeful expression as if their hero would simply say something, and it would all be alright.

“I know my absence has been a bit of a shock, and I can only apologise, Metro City.” He took a deep breath and continued. “But the truth is, recently, my age has kinda been catching up with me...”

There were the sound of a few small gasps and whispers, but the crowd continued to stare warmly awaiting his next words.

“I'm not even into my mid-thirties, and the grey hairs just keep coming... Not to mention my powers are starting to _wane_ , if you'll excuse the expression...” His face was turning a bit rosy around the edges, but he pressed on. “The short story is I'm just not up to defending this city like I used to. I didn't want to let you all down, so I took the coward's way out. I hope you can all forgive me.”

His earlier fears were quickly forgotten as the crowd suddenly erupted into a teary-eyed applause. He spotted Andrea in the front crowd, and they both shared a quick smile.

“Now, you may've noticed someone _else_ in this city has been a little absent too.”

_'Ugh, that's my queue...'_ Megamind mentally facepalmed. There was no going back now. _'Oh what_ _ **fun...**_ _'_ Minion gave him a reassuring pat on the back.

He emerged from the side of the stage, and fought the urge to roll his eyes as the crowd let out gasps, murmurs, and the odd shriek. He walked up to Wayne's side, and the larger man put his arm around him, eliciting an even more animated response from the townsfolk.

Megamind gave his henchfish another fleeting glance before his eyes came to rest on Roxanne's. She gave him a quick nod, and a warm smile, and he felt himself melt as a stupid grin tugged at his lips. A slight shake from Wayne brought him back down to Earth, as he turned his head to the immense crowd. _'Crap, that's a lot of people...'_

“But don't you guys worry, because my little buddy here and I have agreed on a permanent truce!”

Everyone simply stood for a moment as the new information sunk in. Someone in the front row then shouted; “So what're you gonna do now you're not fighting?”

The ex hero and villain both gave each other an equally clueless look. Wayne was the first to speak. “Well, I guess I'll continue with a lot of my charity work, helping the city in every other way I can. How about you, Little Blue?” He said quickly, trying to divert the crowds attention from himself.

_'Little Blue..? Jeez, I don't call you “Big 'n Beige”, do I?!'_ He seethed. “I guess I could start inventing things that _don't_ have nefarious purposes... Maybe make another blood synthesiser...” He shrugged, his cheeks starting to burn from the sheer number of eyes all settled on him.

Suddenly a hand shot up, and a man in a lab coat pushed his way into the front row. “Did you just say blood synthesiser?!” He was practically dancing on the tips of his toes.

Megamind shrugged again. “Sure? I'm the only person on this planet with my blood type. And thanks to Elvis here,” He narrowed his eyes at Wayne, who simply smiled shyly back. “I've been beaten within an inch of my life countless times. Internal bleeding and gaping wounds were a bit of a weekly occurrence. The invention was a necessity.”

“Those were the early days, I didn't know my own strength!” The larger man protested, his hands now waving back and forth in defence.

“Well, _I_ did-”

A reporter beside the old man then waved to get the alien's attention. “Wait, you mean to say you've got an invention that can produce human blood? _Rare_ blood types?!”

“Well I guess with a few tweaks it could. It's only programmed for mine at the moment. Though, it wouldn't be much of a problem at all. I could probably finish a new one, and have it calibrated by the end of the week?”

“End of the week?!” The small grey haired man was bouncing up and down again.

“Of course. He's always been intellectually gifted, haven't you, Blue?”

Megamind's head snapped sideways when he heard the familiar gruff voice of his surrogate father. The older man came to stand beside him, and pulled him into an uncharacteristic one-armed “man-hug”.

“I'm so proud of you, kid.” He whispered, before breaking away quickly.

Megamind shifted awkwardly on the spot; all this attention was getting a bit too much but if he was honest, though he wouldn't change this moment for the world. Roxanne was right; he wasn't evil at all. Or, if he was, he'd become _incredibly_ soft. His eyes were already feeling the familiar sting of tears, and he did his best to blink them back. _'Don't be such a baby... You've only wanted to hear him say that your_ _ **whole life...**_ _'_

“Hey, we should probably take some questions, now. How about from some from the kids?” Wayne pointed out into the crowd, and a barrage of questions were aimed at the thin man beside him.

“Why are your legs so skinny?”

“Do you even own a home..?”

“Why were you crying in the bathroom before this presentation?”

“Huh?” He stammered, his green eyes wide in their sockets.

“How come it looks like you're about to cry now?”

Wayne's face dropped, along with everyone else's on stage. “Uhmm, maybe we'll just skip question time, kids?”

“No, it's alright.” Megamind said waving one of his hands dismissively, regaining some composure. “To answer your questions, _small humans_ , my vastus and gastrocnemius muscles are much more naturally compact. I may look 'skinny', but it's all muscle, really. Perfectly normal for my race.”

Roxanne was surprised at how well he was dealing with such a blunt question, and felt a surge of pride. _'My little kidnapper's all grown up...'_ She thought, allowing herself a smile.

“As for 'home', well that's situated in evil- I mean, _not-so-evil-anymore_ lair.” He scratched his 'devil beard' then in deep thought, giving his minion a quick glance. _'Maybe we should start giving tours, now that I'm retired...'_

“And the crying?” One of the children asked again meanly.

The blue man's face rested into a familiar scowl. “Hey! Aliens don't cry, ever cracked open a book? And besides, that was a panic attack. It's totally different.” He spat, crossing his arms again and pouting.

Roxanne was suddenly reminiscent of a prior kidnapping where one of Megamind's 'pets' had clamped it's bear-trap jaws on his foot. She'd most certainly remembered a flood of silent tears racing down his face as he stood twitching for several moments before letting out an earsplitting scream. She wasn't about to call him up on it, though.

There were several hands now in the air, this time belonging to the adults in the crowd.

Wayne hesitantly nodded at someone in the third row, and immediately regretted it when the man addressed his little friend.

“Does your penis retract?”

_'These people!'_ Roxanne's hands shot up to her face in horror. _'What the fuck is wrong with them?!'_

Minion made a choking noise in his bowl, his fins fluttering, and an aghast expression on his face.

Megamind's eyes narrowed, and he drew himself up to his full height. “Why, does yours?” The reporter could swear she saw his hand move to rest on the butt of his gun, before obviously thinking better of it and retreating again.

The man then received a few smacks from his nearby friends as they chided him. “Sorry Mr Megamind, please excuse our pal, he's a little special... _in his head._ ”

“But the book said-” Another fist came into contact with the man's chin.

“Shut up, will ya?! Sorry, sir!” One of his friends said again, their hands raised imploringly.

“You wouldn't be referring to those unauthorised biographies... would you?” The bruised man nodded. “Oh dear...” He allowed himself an actual facepalm this time. “You don't _all_ believe that tripe, do you..?”

A quick scan of the embarrassed faces of the populace confirmed his suspicions. _'Perfect. They think you've got the cock of Cthulhu down there!'_

The man in the lab coat then piped up. “So, are you confirming the absence of tentacles?”

Megamind's face switched from blue to a deep violet within seconds. “I... D-Do I have to draw you a picture?!” He stammered. “ **No!** No tentacles! No Lovecraftian entities!” He was wiggling his fingers now. “No **krakens!** No sea creature _of any kind_ dwells in these trousers!” He could feel a muscle in his cheek now beginning to twitch involuntarily.

As mortifying as the situation was, Roxanne couldn't help but find his response hilarious. Even Warden was allowing himself an open smirk. Minion and Wayne on the other hand wore matching expressions of horror.

Megamind sighed as more and more hands shot up. _'This is going to be a long day...'_

* * *

The drive back to Roxanne's apartment was an awkward one.

From the backseat the reporter could see the alien fidgeting restlessly, his eyes glued to the window.

After 15 minutes of driving in silence, Minion finally piped up. “Well, here we are Miss Ritchi!” The car rolled to a slow stop, and Roxanne opened the car door, getting out.

She knocked on Megamind's window, and he practically jumped. He gave her a quizzical expression, and she raised her eyebrows, nodding to the window. He seemed to get the hint, and rolled it down.

“Can I get your help with something? It'll only be a minute.”

He swallowed loudly, his Adam's apple bobbing, and gave her a shaky nod.

“Great. I won't keep him too long, Minion.' She smiled, now walking towards the entrance to the high-rise's lobby.

Megamind stole a quick glance at his minion, and they both shared a shrug before the alien followed the reporter into the building.

The doorman inside gave Megamind a friendly wave as he walked in. Carlos had been watching the televised live feed of the press conference from behind his desk, and was elated when he saw the blue man walk through the front doors with one of his tenants.

Megamind followed Roxanne to the elevator, and she pressed one of the highest buttons. _'Oh great, I forgot she lives on one of the top floors...'_ He prayed that the electricity didn't cut out half way up, stranding them in the enclosed space.

His eyes flashed from the floor to Roxanne, then to the ceiling, and back to Roxanne. Those buttons on the wall were pretty interesting, but not as interesting as Roxanne, and his eyes darted back to her. He flinched at the sudden ding when the doors slid open.

“Come on.” She smiled.

His only response was a strained kind of laughing noise as he shyly followed her to her front door.

After fiddling with the lock for a few moments, Roxanne swung the door open and walking inside. She motioned for him to sit, and made her way to the pegs around the corner to hang up her coat. She would've asked if she could take his coat, but he never wore one, so it was pointless.

Roxanne returned to see the ex-villain still stood where she left him. “You're allowed to sit, y'know?” She smirked, but stopped when she saw him frowning. “What?”

“You said you needed my help with something?” His face was now one of abject horror, and she wondered what had brought about the sudden shift in his mood.

“You're right, I did. But you need to sit down first.” The reporter walked over to the large red corner sofa, and sat down patting the cushion next to her. “I'm not gonna bite...” She hoped getting off his feet might calm him.

He awkwardly trotted over, and sat beside her. Roxanne crossed one leg over the other and set her hands in her lap. After almost a minute of silence, she took the initiative and spoke.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

Megamind shifted nervously, the leather of the couch squeaking slightly under him. He turned shyly towards Roxanne, fiddling with his gloves before, in an attempt to look more casual, resting his arm on the top of the sofa.

His other arm snuck behind his collar self consciously, and the reporter could see the leg nearest to her twitching up and down.

She heard him swallow again before looking away; his cheeks were now glowing a faint purple.

“I-I've very much enjoyed spending time with you...”

Roxanne felt the corners of her mouth tug up into a toothy grin, and she shuffled closer to the blue man.

“Really?”

He bit his lip as he turned his face further away. Roxanne wasn't having any of it, and softly took hold of his chin, stroking the goatee with her thumb, before tugging him round to face her.

“...really.” His cheeks were now a flaming shade of fuchsia.

The reporter let her thumb smooth the bristly strip of hair a few more times before leaning in. She felt the couch shift as the man beside her torqued in surprise, and planted a reassuring hand on his thigh before brushing his lips with hers.

She felt him stiffen under her attentions and let the hand on his leg make soothing motions as the other moved from his goatee to stroke his face.

He was trembling, but his arms came up to loosely wrap around her waist. Roxanne could feel his fingers shaking, so she removed the hand from his leg and placed it opposite the other, cupping his face as her tongue flicked out to rub along the length of his lower lip.

He jumped slightly, and his mouth opened in a gasp. She took the chance and deepened the kiss, sliding her tongue in before he had a chance to stop it.

Megamind shivered violently before seeming to melt. The arms on her waist held her with more conviction, and he relaxed into the cushions with a sigh.

Roxanne slowly broke away, but not before planting a few more tender pecks on his soft little lips.

“Dinner on Friday?” She smirked as he nodded dumbly in response.

* * *

Just as Minion checked his watch the door to the apartment block flew open. Megamind hopped back in the passenger's side.

The fish immediately caught on to his master's flushed face. “Sir, you're looking awfully... purple. Is something wrong? Wait-” He clapped a hand to the blue man's forehead as a mother would, checking his temperature, regardless of the fact that there was no way the heat could transfer through the metal hands.

“Minion I'm fine.” The fish narrowed his eyes, still clearly worried. “I'm better than fine. I have a date!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I stand by the original Master Mind script that has Megamind's real name as “Bubsy”. It's hilarious, and completely non-villainous, so it's no wonder he changed it! (and yes, the 'big men' quote is at nod to the original script, too!)
> 
> The Metro/Mega Planet thing is canon. You can read the names of their planets at the start of the movie on the large screen that says “PANIC”
> 
> It's either an extreme case of foreshadowing, or just Dreamworks being lazy. I like to think it ties into the whole fate/destiny thing. Metro Man, from Metro Planet comes to land in Metro City.
> 
> “This is no mistake. IT'S DESTINY!”
> 
> And I was inspired by the screenplay again with the 'cat o nine tails'. In the screenplay, Megaminds opens the door to Wayne's secret fortress to discover a dominatrix sextape playing in the background. And I love the idea that perfect goody-two-shoes Metro Man would secretly be into BDSM! So kinky... ;)


End file.
